Five tools to tackle negativity
“Blessed is the one… whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season…” (Psalm 1:1-3)
Negativity. It’s an unpleasant part of life. But what do we mean by “negativity”?
We tend to use the word to describe not only things we don’t like, but a perspective, posture or attitude that seems deliberately counter-productive. We also tend to use the word when dealing with people who we feel are somehow “against” us no matter what we do.
For example, perhaps you are dealing with a person who always shoots down your ideas, no matter what they are. Or perhaps you are in a congregational culture where the ongoing narrative is doom-and-gloom, as if Jesus is still in the tomb. Maybe you are navigating a time in history that has a new, divisive controversy every six months. Based on the definition above, all of this could be considered “dealing with negativity.”
If we are to deal with negativity in a healthy way, we need to have a healthy, well-rooted relationship with the Lord.
Before I share a few thoughts about how to deal with this, we need to remind ourselves that Jesus himself was no stranger to dealing with negativity. He encountered personal, ongoing criticism from the Pharisees (Mark 2:24). He had to deal with disciples who questioned his actions (Matthew 16:22) and fickle crowds (John 6:66; Mark 15:13). He came under pressure from the Sanhedrin (Mark 14:55), Herod (Luke 23:9) and Pilate (John 19:1).
If the Master had to deal with it, so too the servants. If the King had to deal with it, so too the subjects. If the Teacher had to deal with it, so too the students.
So, how do we deal with it? Let me share five points.
First, serve God first, always.
Many people have a strong desire to be “people-pleasers.” Some more than others. To resist this urge, we need to strive to serve God first, not people.
In John 12:43 Jesus criticized the Pharisees by saying: “they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.” Paul expressed a similar thought in Galatians 1:10: “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” In short, he was saying that it was more important for him to be a God-pleaser than a people-pleaser.
Having said this, I know of people who defend themselves by saying they are putting God first, but seem to enjoy being rude or condescending in the process. But striving to serve God first is not an excuse to bypass virtue.
Second, know the (real) enemy.
Earlier, I mentioned the personal and ongoing opposition which Jesus faced. I intentionally left a very important category out of that list. Here it is. Jesus was also in a non-stop battle with the demonic.
I recently did an informal survey of the Gospel of Mark to see how often Jesus came into conflict with demons or Satan. Depending on how you classify some of the stories, between twenty-four and forty percent of the Gospel includes specifically named or implied conflict with dark, demonic powers. That’s a lot!
In addition to his temptation in the wilderness and the casting out of evil spirits, the evil one influenced Judas to betray Jesus (Luke 22:3), and worked behind the scenes to influence the political powers that ordered his crucifixion (1 Corinthians 2:8).
This is a critical insight about the landscape around us, even today. It’s also why Paul provides this reminder in Ephesians 6:12: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
Because of this, we know that the negative people around us are not our principal enemy. Michael Miller from Remnant University said: “There really is a common enemy, and it’s not one another.”[i] The common enemy isn’t the complainer, the attacker, or the instigator. It’s the Devil. Therefore, we put on God’s armour (Ephesians 6:13-18), and pray against the influence of the evil one, not only on other people, but on ourselves.
Third, draw clos(er) to God, and to others.
In his book Lead with Prayer, Ryan Skoog highlights some discouraging research. He found that well-educated and well-trained leaders are less likely to pray: “As we gain our footing as leaders, we risk losing our dependence on God.”[ii]
Obviously, that’s a problem, and hopefully it’s a warning that finds a welcome reception in our ears. Our positions of influence and authority should make us more hungry for intimacy with God, not less.
If we are to deal with negativity in a healthy way, we need to have a healthy, well-rooted relationship with the Lord. This includes prayer and Bible-reading. And I’m not talking about three minutes in the morning as you pull up to your desk. It will involve a series of practices that will tether us to the Lord as we walk through our days and dealings, including the tough ones.
Intentional, sustained time with God is the life-blood of leaders who are able to navigate repeated negativity.
As a part of this, I would include appropriate supports. Fellowship with other Christians, as well as times of confession and celebration, are also spiritual disciplines which help draw you closer to God.
Trees and people have more in common than we realize.
There have also been times when I have sought out a trained Christian therapist to help me sort through my dark feelings. I see that too as a gift from God within the body of Christ.
From what I’ve seen, congregational leaders tend to keep too many of their challenges to themselves. This is also true with respect to how they do (or don’t) deal with their elder boards or ministry teams. When we share our concerns in appropriate ways, there are often helps or encouragements we hadn’t anticipated. Further, if you are dealing with a toxic or potentially abusive situation, your elders or ministry team may be able to provide guidance, protection or much-needed friendship.
I recently read about a 175-foot-tall Sitka spruce tree. The roots were spread out over an acre of land, interlacing with the roots from other trees. A local arborist spoke of an underground support system where the roots actually grafted together with the roots of other trees. When one tree was cut down, the other trees were weakened as well.[iii] It sounds like trees and people have more in common than we realize.
Fourth, shut the digital door.
My dad was ahead of his time. In the 1980s his employer offered him a free laptop. He refused. He was asked why he didn’t want it. “Because then you’ll expect me to work from home for free.” Genius! Today, this pressure has multiplied one-hundred-fold. In addition to laptops there are emails, texts, and social media feeds and messages.
The reason I raise this topic in the context of this article is because “negativity” now has many more ways of oozing into your life and threatening your well-being and peace of mind.
Thirty years ago, when people came home from work—and from stressful situations—they had a very good chance of making a mental transition from work-to-home. Today, that transition is much more difficult to make. And do you know what? We’re our own worst enemies. That’s why we need to shut the digital door.
How do we do that? Don’t check messages in the morning or in the evening. Or mindlessly scroll after dark. Many people struggle with this because they have not been careful. They have given out their phone/text numbers to anyone and everyone. By sending late night emails they have sent the silent message that “I’m open for business 24 hours a day.”
Some people reading this might think it’s too late to shift gears in this area of their life. But it’s never too late. Perhaps you’ll need to get a new phone number or create a new (personal) email address. Perhaps you’ll need to do some teaching in your congregation or with your elders or ministry team explaining why this is important not only for you, but for the well-being of the ministry as a whole.
Think of adversity like wind—something which may not be pleasant, but can make us and the people around us healthier and stronger.
Personally, shutting the digital door has been one of the best things I have ever done when it comes to my mental and emotional health, especially during periods of stress or conflict. Only a select number of people have my text number, and I ask them to only use it if their concern is very time sensitive or a pastoral emergency. Otherwise, send me an email (which I’ll check in the daytime) or pick up the phone.
You need your off time to be actual off time. Physical rest without mental rest isn’t really rest. When you are “dealing with negativity” you need a place outside of “working hours” where you can experience peace and refreshment with the Lord and others. That’s why we need to shut the digital door. No, scratch that. Slam it closed. A future version of yourself will drop to their knees and thank you.
Fifth, train yourself by dealing proactively with bite-sized negativity.
Since negativity isn’t nice, we tend to avoid it. When someone shares an overly-specific or unnecessary criticism, perhaps we just pretend it didn’t happen or say a prayer and ask God to change that person’s heart. (By the way, praying in this way is always a good idea!)
But what if we used some of those situations as training? What if we used them to gain valuable experience for dealing with negativity in a healthy way? This would also build up our mental and emotional tolerance to being in uncomfortable conversations.
I had a situation like this recently. In a group setting, someone said something that was critical of other people in the group, including myself. It was awkward. I don’t think the individual had bad intentions. Nevertheless, the person was misguided in their words. I decided to use the situation to speak up. I explained that I appreciated where they were coming from, but that I disagreed with their comments. I tried to do so in a way that was respectful. Afterward, I approached the person one-on-one to talk privately and to ensure they understood where I was coming from. I also wanted to ensure they knew I wasn’t attacking them personally, but just disagreed with their comments.
This is an example of a small “bite-sized” situation of negativity. When we walk intentionally into these sorts of moments, they help to prepare us for “bigger” situations when they arise—which, of course, they will.
A tree planted by streams of water
This article began with a quote from Psalm 1. It’s one of my favourites. Sometimes called “the gateway to the psalms,” Psalm 1 contrasts the way of the righteous with the way of the wicked. It uses the imagery of a tree that is planted by streams of water. The person who is blessed is the one “whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.”
It follows that we need to be rooted in the Lord and his Word. This rootedness includes an interconnectedness with others, as our local arborist reminded us. Further, without deep roots we will find it very difficult to stand firm when the winds of negativity begin to blow.
Speaking of trees, a group of scientists created a biosphere. They thought they had made a perfect environment for plants and trees. The trees grew quickly, but toppled at a rapid pace. Why? Since the environment was highly controlled it didn’t have any wind. As a result, the root structure of the trees was weak. Only with wind and resistance would the roots press deeper and provide longer-lasting stability not only for themselves, but for the other trees around them.[iv] With this in mind, perhaps we can think of adversity like wind—something which may not be pleasant, but can make us and the people around us healthier and stronger.
No one likes negativity. I certainly don’t. But it’s a part of life and leadership
In closing, let me just say that I realize this article is partial. There are a lot of suggestions I could have made for dealing with negativity, but if I had shared them all we’d be here all day. However, my prayer is that this has given you some tangible help and hope for moving forward.
No one likes negativity. I certainly don’t. But it’s a part of life and leadership. Jesus had to deal with it, and so did Paul. And if the Master had to deal with it, so too the servants.
In summary: First, serve God first, always. Second, know the (real) enemy. Third, draw clos(er) to God, and to others. Fourth, shut the digital door. Fifth, train yourself by dealing proactively with bite-sized negativity.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10).
Endnotes:
[i] Quoted in: The Exorcist Files podcast: “Breaking Curses and Confronting the Enemy with Michael Miller,” released on February 27, 2026.
[ii] Ryan Skoog, Peter Greer, and Cameron Doolittle, Lead with Prayer: The Spiritual Habits of World-Changing Leaders (Nashville: Faith Words, 2025), xxiii.
[iii] David Robinson, The Family Cloister: Benedictine Wisdom for the Home (Crossroad Publishing, 2000), 113.
[iv] Johnathan Pokluda with Jon Green, Your Story Has a Villain (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2025), 154.
Main graphic: Roots along the Sydenham River near Dresden, Ontario. Photo Credit: Andy Cornell
